Since my huge FAIL at teaching overseas, I've focused my sights back on teaching in Ontario. Although this is an uphill climb, I think I've started to get noticed.
As every teacher knows, Ontario is currently saturated with teachers who do not have a school to teach in (much like I). It feels so frustrating to continue looking and trying so hard to impress teachers and principals only to receive a recommendation to be on the supply list.
I've been checking the websites every day to see what job postings there are, but it seems as though there are no posting matching my teachables. I have seen multiple postings that are looking for elementary school teachers, but I am slowly realizing that elementary school children are kids that I may not want to teach. It is not that I don't get along with elementary school aged children, but I just do not want to spend half of the class dealing with classroom management.
Well, going back to my original topic - volunteering. Sigh. Currently I am volunteering at 2 different schools, one elementary and one secondary. Being a volunteer seems SO ridiculous, especially when you are doing it 4 days a week. I wake up at around 7am every morning and get on my professional clothing. I have been sleeping in for the last 6 months and it is extremely difficult to wake up in the morning now - but I still do it. Then it feels as though I head to work for 4-8 hours and then come home pooped. I realize that I work and work and will not receive a paycheque. SIGH. As my friend had stated, I am now living off karma. Ha ha... Can someone tell me which stores and restaurants accept karma as currency?
Wow, reading over this blog entry. It's terrible. It's 1am and I have to wake up in less than 6 hours - I should really stop writing blogs so late at night. My ideas just bounce around and don't seem to make any sense. But just like everything else, it seems to make sense at this point of my life... ha!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Being 25...
Hmm.. when I have time to think about it, I am in my mid-twenties and it seems like I have nothing to show for it. When I look around, there are many of my peers that are getting married, having kids, travelling with their significant others - but here I am... working at VERY crappy job which I dislike... not really going anywhere.
Yesterday I bumped into a friend who is also the same age as me and is getting married in 7 months. I am slightly envious of the couple, but at the same time I am not. I'm envious that after a LONG time of dating, it seems that my significant other and I haven't really gotten anywhere past the 1 year of dating stage. We still do not live together, we are not close to living together and also we are not close to getting engaged, married, having children or any of those types of things. It makes me a little sad at times, but I know it's because at this point in time - these things are not possible. Along with student debts and individual goals that we still have to meet, doing these types of things together as a couple is not possible. But of course, I am still envious. For some reason, I really wish we could do these things... this is the unrealistic side of me.
I am also envious of people whom I know that are already set in life. They already have a career and are already purchasing their own homes. Is that normal? Am I supposed to have accomplished all of these things by my age? I am somewhat confused as to where I am supposed to be in life right now. I wish I was independent and not living at home, but of course I wouldn't be able to do that with the money I am making at my dead-end-high-turnover-rate job. Way to go, Carole... way to go.
I can hear my boyfriend right now... saying "Why are you even comparing yourself to others? You shouldn't compare yourself to them, because you always feel like crap afterwards.". Should I or should I not? Can I help but compare myself to my peers?
I've also wanted to rant about people who are bragging and boasting about their accomplishments. What happened to being humble? What's with the "I make X amount of money in a year, but I only have to work 10 days in a year."? (Yes, I know I'm exaggerating), but why?! Why are you doing this to me? Is it supposed to motivate me? Is it supposed to make me feel good about myself. Instead, it just makes me want to find a get-rich-quick scheme. Hmm... now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make a sort of slap-chop or magic bullet type of invention.
Yesterday I bumped into a friend who is also the same age as me and is getting married in 7 months. I am slightly envious of the couple, but at the same time I am not. I'm envious that after a LONG time of dating, it seems that my significant other and I haven't really gotten anywhere past the 1 year of dating stage. We still do not live together, we are not close to living together and also we are not close to getting engaged, married, having children or any of those types of things. It makes me a little sad at times, but I know it's because at this point in time - these things are not possible. Along with student debts and individual goals that we still have to meet, doing these types of things together as a couple is not possible. But of course, I am still envious. For some reason, I really wish we could do these things... this is the unrealistic side of me.
I am also envious of people whom I know that are already set in life. They already have a career and are already purchasing their own homes. Is that normal? Am I supposed to have accomplished all of these things by my age? I am somewhat confused as to where I am supposed to be in life right now. I wish I was independent and not living at home, but of course I wouldn't be able to do that with the money I am making at my dead-end-high-turnover-rate job. Way to go, Carole... way to go.
I can hear my boyfriend right now... saying "Why are you even comparing yourself to others? You shouldn't compare yourself to them, because you always feel like crap afterwards.". Should I or should I not? Can I help but compare myself to my peers?
I've also wanted to rant about people who are bragging and boasting about their accomplishments. What happened to being humble? What's with the "I make X amount of money in a year, but I only have to work 10 days in a year."? (Yes, I know I'm exaggerating), but why?! Why are you doing this to me? Is it supposed to motivate me? Is it supposed to make me feel good about myself. Instead, it just makes me want to find a get-rich-quick scheme. Hmm... now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make a sort of slap-chop or magic bullet type of invention.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Everything goes by...
Wow, everything just goes by so quickly. So quickly and I'm done my B.Ed and now searching for a job.
This last week was just not a good week for me. It was a week of meltdowns and just partial insanity because of course - I lack direction in my life. Just a week of me thinking about what I'm going to be doing with my future, what life experiences I will be getting. The more I think about it, the more I really want to just get away from the stress. Is it crazy that I am already having a quarter life crisis? Is that even normal?
So I've come to the conclusion that I sort of want to teach overseas now. If you were going to ask me if I would consider teaching overseas about 3 months ago, I would've told you that I wouldn't want to. Now, considering how crappy the job market is for teaching, I feel that maybe it is the time to consider going overseas. When I think about it, I am still young (is 25 young or old?) and it is something that I want to experience. Just living in another country for a year, experiencing another country. The taste, the smell, the culture. Everything new and different from what I know. Is this the right choice for me? I've been thinking a lot and I think that maybe this is the right choice.
The reasons that were holding me back before were just reasons I had regarding networking. I wanted to network in Ontario and try to kind of burrow my way into the education system here and find myself a job. But the more I think about it - if I were to get a full time job in Ontario, would that mean that I would never get a chance like this again? As much as I would like a full time job in Ontario right now, I feel like I am shutting the door on a golden opportunity that I would like to experience. This is why I think I should go.
I briefly brought the idea to my parents attention today at dinnertime and it seems like they are not happy about it. My mom doesn't object as much as my dad about it, but of course my dad is very stubborn and incredibly biased. Of course he tries to convince me to find my way into the system in Ontario and I know that it is important to do so - but again, this teaching overseas opportunity might be something I regret if I don't go. If this wasn't something that I wanted to do - then the idea wouldn't keep popping up into my head would it?
*sigh* Of course. How did I know that this decision might be a little bit too easy to make than I thought? After teachers college, I'm so broke that I can't even pay attention...(Source: Bruce). How am I even going to afford a plane ticket to Japan? Right now it looks like I'm going to have to find some sort of weird part-time job and earn myself some money before I can even go anywhere. Well, that's unless someone wants to buy some cupcakes off of me or donate to the "Carole is broke" fund. Anyone? Come on!
This last week was just not a good week for me. It was a week of meltdowns and just partial insanity because of course - I lack direction in my life. Just a week of me thinking about what I'm going to be doing with my future, what life experiences I will be getting. The more I think about it, the more I really want to just get away from the stress. Is it crazy that I am already having a quarter life crisis? Is that even normal?
So I've come to the conclusion that I sort of want to teach overseas now. If you were going to ask me if I would consider teaching overseas about 3 months ago, I would've told you that I wouldn't want to. Now, considering how crappy the job market is for teaching, I feel that maybe it is the time to consider going overseas. When I think about it, I am still young (is 25 young or old?) and it is something that I want to experience. Just living in another country for a year, experiencing another country. The taste, the smell, the culture. Everything new and different from what I know. Is this the right choice for me? I've been thinking a lot and I think that maybe this is the right choice.
The reasons that were holding me back before were just reasons I had regarding networking. I wanted to network in Ontario and try to kind of burrow my way into the education system here and find myself a job. But the more I think about it - if I were to get a full time job in Ontario, would that mean that I would never get a chance like this again? As much as I would like a full time job in Ontario right now, I feel like I am shutting the door on a golden opportunity that I would like to experience. This is why I think I should go.
I briefly brought the idea to my parents attention today at dinnertime and it seems like they are not happy about it. My mom doesn't object as much as my dad about it, but of course my dad is very stubborn and incredibly biased. Of course he tries to convince me to find my way into the system in Ontario and I know that it is important to do so - but again, this teaching overseas opportunity might be something I regret if I don't go. If this wasn't something that I wanted to do - then the idea wouldn't keep popping up into my head would it?
*sigh* Of course. How did I know that this decision might be a little bit too easy to make than I thought? After teachers college, I'm so broke that I can't even pay attention...(Source: Bruce). How am I even going to afford a plane ticket to Japan? Right now it looks like I'm going to have to find some sort of weird part-time job and earn myself some money before I can even go anywhere. Well, that's unless someone wants to buy some cupcakes off of me or donate to the "Carole is broke" fund. Anyone? Come on!
Monday, February 9, 2009
Karma
Does Karma actually exist? Sometimes I feel like it does, and for a lot of the time I feel like it doesn't. Actually, it feels more like karma is only working on me, but no one else.
Why is it that every path I take to try and get success never seems to be the easiest path? Why are other people handed opportunities again and again where I cannot even have one opportunity? I'm so tired of this shit.
I am tired of getting screwed over and I'm tired of being taken advantaged of. Maybe the reality is that I actually don't work as hard as I think I do, and that I actually don't deserve the things that others do. But if not, then why do I believe that I deserve them?
Why is it that I always have to work harder than others to get what I want? What factors play into this? I'm just so tired of getting the short end of the stick when I am a person that is also deserving.
I'm tired of people looking down on me and thinking that they are better than I am. When will karma come for them? When will I finally succeed and show them exactly what karma means? It's definitely not fair. Life isn't fair, but come on...
Why is it that every path I take to try and get success never seems to be the easiest path? Why are other people handed opportunities again and again where I cannot even have one opportunity? I'm so tired of this shit.
I am tired of getting screwed over and I'm tired of being taken advantaged of. Maybe the reality is that I actually don't work as hard as I think I do, and that I actually don't deserve the things that others do. But if not, then why do I believe that I deserve them?
Why is it that I always have to work harder than others to get what I want? What factors play into this? I'm just so tired of getting the short end of the stick when I am a person that is also deserving.
I'm tired of people looking down on me and thinking that they are better than I am. When will karma come for them? When will I finally succeed and show them exactly what karma means? It's definitely not fair. Life isn't fair, but come on...
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Get Well Soon...
My Grandma is in the hospital right now and I can't help but feel a bit uneasy. Though she is with medical professionals, I am hoping that she will recover very quickly and go about her everyday life.
My Grandma is 90 years old and she suffers from gallstones and had a gallstone attack last week. I didn't know about this until I arrived back home on Friday night and spent a few hours in the emergency room.
It seems like we've been in and out of hospitals so many times these last 2 years. It's kind of frightening actually. It's like everyone is getting sick all the time and there isn't much that we can do about it.
I spent all day Saturday at the hospital with my cousin and grandma. Grandma was having a lot of trouble sleeping and when she did, it seemed like she had really bad nightmares and dreamed about doing many everyday things.
She hasn't eaten in about 5 days and I'm beginning to get very concerned. She is starting to see things that aren't really there and she's having more negative thoughts.
This blog seems all over the place... and it is. There isn't any real coherent order to my post today, but it's just that there is so much going on. The only thing that I'm wishing for is that my grandma recovers soon and recovers well. I want her to come home and be able to eat what she cooks and have her independence back.
Grandma, please get better really soon. <3
My Grandma is 90 years old and she suffers from gallstones and had a gallstone attack last week. I didn't know about this until I arrived back home on Friday night and spent a few hours in the emergency room.
It seems like we've been in and out of hospitals so many times these last 2 years. It's kind of frightening actually. It's like everyone is getting sick all the time and there isn't much that we can do about it.
I spent all day Saturday at the hospital with my cousin and grandma. Grandma was having a lot of trouble sleeping and when she did, it seemed like she had really bad nightmares and dreamed about doing many everyday things.
She hasn't eaten in about 5 days and I'm beginning to get very concerned. She is starting to see things that aren't really there and she's having more negative thoughts.
This blog seems all over the place... and it is. There isn't any real coherent order to my post today, but it's just that there is so much going on. The only thing that I'm wishing for is that my grandma recovers soon and recovers well. I want her to come home and be able to eat what she cooks and have her independence back.
Grandma, please get better really soon. <3
Friday, November 14, 2008
Bank Accounts
So I was thinking about my bank account the other day and how limited it is. If I were to take out $30 every week for a while, my bank account would soon be at zero, considering I actually don't have a job and have NO income. Well how long would I be able to keep taking out money? What if I had gotten past the $0 mark? Would the bank allow me to withdraw money until I was in the negatives? How much money would it let me go over? These are weird questions that I have sometimes wondered. Luckily, I'm not spend thrifty enough to spend until my bank account goes below zero, but what would the bank really do? Since I don't have a job, would they just stop serving me? Hmmm...
When I was on my teaching placement, the students were learning some good character traits and one of the lessons was teaching about an emotional bank account. This would work the same as a cash bank account, except it is with peoples' emotions (mainly speaking about your friends). It was saying that when you continuously take and take from your friends without reciprocating, that your friends will soon disappear. The video the students' watched was of a girl named Nelly. Nelly was very busy all the time and when her friends asked her to go somewhere, she would agree... but eventually she would flake out and would either forget, or cancel. This was because Nelly was a very busy girl with cheerleading, student council, team sports etc. Then she asked her friends "You're not mad are you?" and her friends reluctantly said "No.. forget it." and walked away. It was weird because even though this video was kind of cheesy and for 11 year olds to know how important it is to appreciate your friends, it was all true. If we all thing about times where friends have taken us for granted, or maybe had withdrawn more times than they have deposited - it was true.
People don't always like to do things without some sort of gratification or appreciation. People don't like to work hard and not be praised. This goes for everyone, not just students.
Lately I feel like I've been a bit overdrawn. The bank of Carole is getting tired and it's as if I don't know when it's going to close. I guess this is what bankruptcy feels like... financially and emotionally.
When I was on my teaching placement, the students were learning some good character traits and one of the lessons was teaching about an emotional bank account. This would work the same as a cash bank account, except it is with peoples' emotions (mainly speaking about your friends). It was saying that when you continuously take and take from your friends without reciprocating, that your friends will soon disappear. The video the students' watched was of a girl named Nelly. Nelly was very busy all the time and when her friends asked her to go somewhere, she would agree... but eventually she would flake out and would either forget, or cancel. This was because Nelly was a very busy girl with cheerleading, student council, team sports etc. Then she asked her friends "You're not mad are you?" and her friends reluctantly said "No.. forget it." and walked away. It was weird because even though this video was kind of cheesy and for 11 year olds to know how important it is to appreciate your friends, it was all true. If we all thing about times where friends have taken us for granted, or maybe had withdrawn more times than they have deposited - it was true.
People don't always like to do things without some sort of gratification or appreciation. People don't like to work hard and not be praised. This goes for everyone, not just students.
Lately I feel like I've been a bit overdrawn. The bank of Carole is getting tired and it's as if I don't know when it's going to close. I guess this is what bankruptcy feels like... financially and emotionally.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Thanksgiving Weekend
This weekend was a huge relief. I was so happy when I was finally finished classes last week. The weekend was finally here!! The last two weeks of school had been really killing me. It was assignment after assignment after assignment. Honestly, I didn't think that it was going to be so much work. I had never felt like I worked harder in my life!
It was great that the weekend came though. I was really looking forward to just relaxing and just not having to think about homework. I went back to my parents house and just got away from the internet this weekend. It's so crazy now because the internet has become such a communication tool that when you're away from it, it's like you're out of the loop. Well, I was out of the loop this weekend and it felt great. I didn't have to check my emails or my WebCT or any of that stuff. I was happy just doing nothing! It was wonderful!
This year, we didn't have turkey. Instead, we made chicken wings and ribs tonight. I actually kind of miss having turkey, but I guess that was the next best thing. Overall, this weekend was very much needed and I actually enjoyed it very much. I hope everyone had just as great of a Thanksgiving as I did!! :D
It was great that the weekend came though. I was really looking forward to just relaxing and just not having to think about homework. I went back to my parents house and just got away from the internet this weekend. It's so crazy now because the internet has become such a communication tool that when you're away from it, it's like you're out of the loop. Well, I was out of the loop this weekend and it felt great. I didn't have to check my emails or my WebCT or any of that stuff. I was happy just doing nothing! It was wonderful!
This year, we didn't have turkey. Instead, we made chicken wings and ribs tonight. I actually kind of miss having turkey, but I guess that was the next best thing. Overall, this weekend was very much needed and I actually enjoyed it very much. I hope everyone had just as great of a Thanksgiving as I did!! :D
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